Art of the Odd

I shared this on Twitter already – it came in via Elizabeth Bear, who had it from Warren Ellis. But it deserves a place here, too.

The proceeds go to benefit Haiti. You can pre-order here, though the US purchase site doesn’t appear to be set up yet.

Incidentally, Christy Moore had something interesting things to say about benefit gigs in the Christy Chat I received this morning.

John Spillane and I have been putting a few chords together… “Haitian Girl” is the current working title of a song that is emerging. We will perform a gig in Vicar Street, Dublin on Tuesday, 23rd March. All proceeds will go to GOAL in Haiti. Ticketmaster have waived their commission and Vicar Street their rental fees.

An increasing number of people seem to be becoming critical of benefit gigs. They question the motives and claim that tragic situations are being exploited. One Dublin journalist wrote a scathing attack on those who do benefit gigs. (Presumably getting well paid for the piece) I have heard stories of NGO’s in areas of war and catastrophe, of aid workers behaving inappropriately … But I have also witnessed the courage and commitment of volunteers giving their time and sometimes their very lives to help others. I am in awe of their commitment. I believe that the courage and compassion of thousands far outweighs the errant behaviour of a few. Also I know that certain performers cannot resist any PR opportunity, sometimes cynically, more times unwittingly, but I believe they too are in a minority. Then there are the political arguments, the ethical dimensions, the opportunism of donor nations, the fashionable ladies and gents who lunch for charity … I simply don’t have the time to work it all out, I need to keep it simple. If I can give a dig out I will, and if some want to put a slant on that … so be it.

I made a mistake on Tuesday.

I went to OSH for supplies – a rosemary bush, some stripper (for the cabinets, you perv), a tube of epoxy, and a pitchfork.

I walked out with a tulip, some stripper (still for the cabinets – what is wrong with some people?), a tube of epoxy and, yes, a pitchfork.

Going to OSH was not the mistake.

Going to OSH at 4:30 on a weekday – that was the mistake.

The drive there was fine, but coming home? Yeesh.

I got so fed up with the traffic on Bundy that I turned off, planning to take Pico to 23rd and come home past Santa Monica Airport.

Never, ever take 23rd past the airport during rush hour.

A couple of miles north of the airport, I posted this to Twitter.

(Before you chastise me for tweeting while driving – I wasn’t driving. I was sitting through two light changes, in the middle of a blocks-long tailback, waiting for the cars in front of me to move. They finally did – after the light turned red for the third time.)

Some time later, I made it home with my pitchfork. (And my tulip, and my epoxy, and my stripper. Which is still for the cabinets.)

And NovySan said that we just don’t use pitchforks often enough in this modern world.

He had an idea for how we could change that, though.

Not by pitchforking people in traffic, but by escorting trick-or-treating groups armed with pitchforks and torches.

Imagine it – a cluster of princesses, mutants and monsters, flanked by a sizeable group of (possibly tipsy) adults waving the implements of B-movie riots proudly aloft.

Halloween may never be the same.

Because I can’t.

I’ve decided that we don’t have midlife crises – what we have are cycles of reinvention. It’s just that when one of them happens to come within ten years of your fortieth birthday, it’s called a “midlife crisis.”

Dye your hair pink when you’re 20? No problem.

Buy a motorcycle at 25? Hey, you’re young, that’s no problem.

Take up salsa dancing at 35? Oh, you’re trying to hold onto your youth, aren’t you? But you’re not that old – it’s not really a problem.

Dye your hair pink when you’re 40? Don’t you know you’re not 20 anymore?

Buy a motorcycle at 50? Next thing you know, you’ll be filing for divorce and making a fool of yourself in singles’ bars.

Take up salsa dancing at 65? I think it’s great you have something to do in your old age!

And that, children, is my rant for the day. Now go buy yourself a motorcycle and ride it to your salsa class. I, for one, applaud you for living, when so many people around you are stagnating instead.